Sunday, October 9, 2011

M.I.A. . .10/9/11

A sweet friend emailed me yesterday and said she'd checked La Vie Abondante only to find the same post at the top of the page that she'd seen last time she popped in to the site. "Where have you been??" she asked. Wellllllll, to answer her question, and maybe yours, let me respond with my own question: where have I NOT been?! I've been home, in California, in the throes of testing a four-year old for private schools, and basically on the metaphorical treadmill that is my day to day life.

Do you ever just feel like your life is moving at an incredibly high pace and speed around you and you either jump on the treadmill and run at that pace or you'll get run over? I do. In fact, lately I've been a "version" of myself; me but 90 miles-per-hour me. Ya feelin' me ladies? If it's not carpool, it's swim lessons, or Tae Kwon Do, or a board meeting, or a church event or activity, or a birthday party, or an appointment, or Gymboree, or working, or cleaning, or cooking, and so on and so on. From kids to social commitments with friends and family it just never seems to slow down even for a second and for me, it's exhausting. The worst part is that somehow despite the fact that I'm always moving, my list of things to do is somehow getting longer not shorter; I'm riddled with guilt over the many things I can't accommodate (including more individual time with my kids) and in a total inexplicably disappointing twist, moving around all day doesn't actually make you thinner?! I even proposed (in all seriousness) the other day to my husband that we just end it all and move to the countryside. "I'd be happy with my kids playing on a swing set outside, throwing rocks in a pond and waiting for a school bus next to a dirt road, what'ya say?" Girls, I really really meant it - especially the last part because no matter how crazed I get, I'll never be the mom who home schools - I'd come unglued! My husband looked like he was almost on board with my suggestion but that could have been my hopeful thinking because he quickly shot that down. So, with that said, I'm in it. I'm so very in it.

I'm on the treadmill and I'm running and two things dawned on me the moment I realized this is how it is: 1) This is a season. My life won't always look like this(I hope) but right now I have small children and there's a very exasperating pace that comes with this stage of life that I have to accept; 2) If it's for my kids I'll run even faster and even harder and at the end of the day being the mom that lives her life for her kids isn't something I want to change about myself. So, there it is. That's where I've been - making lemonade out of lemons and before you think I'm nuts let me add that not even for a second does it escape me that I am incredibly fortunate and blessed. I'll never not be grateful for health, family, friends and the very real presence of a loving and gracious God that I feel every day of my life.

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